The Path to a Senior College: Begins in High School

It may sound annoying, but high school is the prime time to start to ensure success in college.

“The college admissions process is more competitive than ever before, and top schools are looking for students who are experts in their field of interest with a demonstrated history of leadership in their communities,” said Gabe Cramer, managing director of mentoring at Command Education, an elite college consulting firm headquartered in NYC. “Becoming this kind of student does not happen overnight, and the earlier a student begins to cultivate these skills, the better equipped they will be for high school and the college admissions process.”

Cramer noted that while high school achievements won’t be included in your college applications, students shouldn’t “step up” before high school. In fact, high school often lays the foundation for future educational triumphs. As Rebecca Winthrop, co-author with Jenny Anderson of Disconnected Teens: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better, said (Jan. 7, 2025; Crown), “High school is the magical middle where study habits, time management and motivation go off the rails.”

Expanding on this sentiment, Cramer showed that simple activities like volunteering, asking for extra help from a teacher, or attending sports camps can be enriching opportunities for high school students. “While they likely don’t have the time or skill set to execute a passion project or secure an internship, beginning to engage with their interests outside of the classroom and seeking out independent learning opportunities will help they build critical skills,” he said.

Ahead, these education professionals reveal exactly how you can set the stage for top-tier university admissions during your child’s two years.

Why you should have a high school master plan

Remember when getting straight As, acting in a few school plays, and acing your SATs were enough to get Yale and Columbia to compete for your matric? Not more.

At graduate schools, Cramer noted that applicant pools are growing and acceptance rates are falling. “Standing out in front of thousands of other applicants takes more than joining the robotics team, publishing poetry in the school newspaper, or participating in a rigorous, merit-based summer program,” he said. “A great candidate at an Ivy League school is doing all of these things in addition to interning at an engineering firm, publishing their research, lobbying for issues in their community in their state Senate, or inventing a technology new to address a need they have. In other words, they are participating in the highest level of activities possible to demonstrate an outstanding, tangible knowledge of their field of interest just can’t achieve this level of engagement if they are just beginning to explore their interests during their first year.”

Beyond the Ivies and their brethren, Cramer noted that this level of preparation is just as important when it comes to applying to competitive private schools that require similar academic excellence and demonstrated commitment to one’s passions.

That said, Cramer is wary of parents taking a “tiger mom” approach during this crucial time. Instead, youth and teens in their high school years should use this time frame to hone in on what lights them up inside and their true interests.

“Excellence in the college admissions process often comes down to genuine passion. Impressive activities on a student’s resume should attest to their authentic love for their chosen discipline—and that’s something that can’t be manufactured,” Cramer said. . “The benefit of starting early is that high school students can explore and discover their interests without pressure,” he added.

In a similar way, Anderson believes that parents often misjudge this point in their education, thinking that children must have a good step in math or excel in science. “What they need is to understand how to start their work, organize it and study. That awareness and time management will be crucial in high school when the demands on their time pile up,” Anderson said. “Want a kid with a killer essay? Help them [determine] who they are and what they care about now, before the stakes get higher and there’s less room for experimentation. That moment is high school.”

Friendly advice: Don’t impose your unfulfilled childhood dreams on your offspring. Reena B. Patel, a parenting expert and board-certified behavior analyst based in San Diego, California, reports that she often sees parents or caregivers trying to control or change passions based on their own aspirations. “Allowing your child to find their own interests and passions is the key to long-term success and the only way to truly find success and happiness in the same passion,” she said.

Make an honest and trusting relationship a priority

What good are all the private fencing lessons and chauffeured chess tournaments if your child can’t come to you when they have a problem?

Patel wants all middle school parents to know that fostering a healthy, non-judgmental parent-child relationship is essential. “This will put them in the position to want to come to you and share their passions and interests openly with you,” Patel said. “Having their support and being open and honest is also key so you can collaboratively communicate what those passions look like, what the commitments and responsibilities might look like, and gain their buy-in moving forward. “

Enhance soft skills

It’s OK if your child isn’t reading AP physics textbooks in their spare time or practicing violin recitals at Carnegie Hall during their high school years. When it comes to classes and extracurriculars, Cramer emphasized that now is the time for students to cast a wide net, try new things and look to expand their skill sets.

Instead of an obsession with achievement and grades, experts say honing skills like time management and effective communication are what matter most during the high school years.

“Parents should keep in mind that one of the most important areas for targeted improvement during high school is the development of soft skills. Ivy League-bound students are often distinguished by their mastery of critical ‘soft skills’ such as time management, communication, organization and critical thinking,” Cramer said. Doing so “…will lay the foundation for success when students face greater academic challenges and extracurricular responsibilities in high school,” he continued.

The earlier he realizes this, the more time your child has to practice and improve these essential life tools. Here are three direct guidelines Anderson, who is also a journalist and author of “How to Be Brave for Parents,” and Winthrop, director of the Center for Universal Education at Brookings and an adjunct professor at Georgetown University, say parents can apply them in middle school to increase their soft skills.

Build their organizational skills

“Don’t micromanage or monitor them, meaning don’t do their homework or choose the topic for their project. The more you do, the less they learn to do,” Anderson said. “Offer help when they need it, but wherever possible, let them practice planning so they learn to make a plan.”

Don’t look for a child’s particular passion either, but for some broader interests. “Middle school is a tricky time when kids want to ‘stand out to fit in’ — to fit in but also find ways to be special,” Winthrop said. “Leave them alone.”

Importantly, Winthrop notes, if your child or children are struggling academically, don’t take away their interests (beyond endless gaming and social media). “Having an area where they shine is motivating. Interests are the canvas on which skills are built,” they said.

You can also connect the dots between school learning and real-world use. The study of atomic structure? Winthrop suggests discussing how atoms and electrons release energy to emit light, using glow sticks as a real-life example to inspire critical thinking. “Use water and a microwave to explain how the hydrogen and oxygen atoms in water molecules absorb energy and heat up,” Winthrop added as another example.

Empower your child to take the reins – now

As a middle school student, it’s time for your child to have a voice as a decision maker.

Cramer recommends starting with something as simple as sitting down to review a list of clubs and discussing how many clubs they want to join: Ask questions like, “If you join two clubs and one sport, when do you plan to do the assignments of the house? When will you have a break? When will you be able to see your friends? Do you think it will allow for a balance between fun and schoolwork?”

Your child may not yet have concrete answers to these questions, Cramer said, but this type of discussion will lay the groundwork for critically evaluating the options available to him in the future. On the other hand, Cramer cautioned against asking questions like “do you like art club?” Instead, he said to ask them reflective questions like, “What did you like and dislike most about the project you just completed in art club?

Therefore, you can also help your child find ways to continue to explore the things he likes outside of school, Cramer said. “If the answer to the above question is ‘I really enjoyed working with clay,’ then the next step might be to find [local] clay workshop,” he advised.

“Let them choose their extracurriculars,” echoed Anderson and Winthrop. “Research shows that this is where some of the best learning happens. The motivation ignited here can spread to academics.”

Protect your child from burns

One of the biggest mistakes Anderson sees in high school is parents thinking the kids who are knocking it out of the park for everything are set for life. “Hard work and good grades are admirable and aspirational. “But if it’s about being perfect, there’s a good chance the child will burn,” she said.

Kramer agrees. Perhaps the biggest mistake high school parents make is to overwhelm them with pressure about the looming college admissions process, he said. “Student overload can lead to stress, burnout and even dissatisfaction with academic courses and activities they would otherwise enjoy,” Cramer said. “Cultivating a love of learning and a curiosity about their interests and talents is far more important—and productive—than training them to stress over an A-.”